So why else would I be wide awake after 2 hours sleep with both my side window and skylight open wide to the world when it’s 3 degrees outside?!? Yup you’ve guessed it my Christmas Grinch the little horrible, paranoid, disgusting, hard to control panic attack that feeds off my subconscious and messes with my head.
Give it an inch and it will take a mile, be happy and it will find that what if and run with it. It wants me to think the worst and scare me and stop me from doing things! Yes I can get myself out of them and only a very, very small few have seen one take over me. But again it’s loving the fact it’s added one more person to the club.
You know what though panic attack I won this one, showed how I can beat you and get through it! I’ve figured out why I’m having you and how you are messing with my subconscious and feeding off my underlying fear of being hurt. But hurt is part of life and may not ever happen, but the fear WILL for definite stop the happiness from happening!
So now I’ve figured you out and know you are trying to wreck the glue that is keeping all my broken bits stuck together I’m going to be me and win! Hate to tell you my little Grinch but this girl is naturally very stubborn, I’m head strong and as I grew up being told, very thran!
Now it’s your turn to be scared because I can beat you and I will talk about what you are making me think and that way you have no hold over me and can fix myself. I won’t have the fear of hurt stop me from living my life and being happy.
Mr Grinch, I’d give up cos I’m going to win this fight, if I beat cancer (yeah that little friend you like to tag along with) I can easily beat you!!!! As my Angels in the hospital tell me ‘now go and live your life!’ I will have the same thing in my head in my fight against you!!!